“You expect a battle to be fair. A battle will never be fair.”
It felt like the movie had just started, when I heard Wonder Woman’s “Auntie” utter those words – “You expect a battle to be fair. A battle will never be fair.”
This felt like gold. I turned to my 17-year-old daughter and interrupted everyone else’s movie experience by not so quietly whispering, “THAT, THAT RIGHT THERE IS A LIFE LESSON. THE BATTLE IS NOT FAIR. DON’T EXPECT IT TO BE.” My life lesson is that Life is not fair, and we’d all proceed better if we do not expect it to be.
Earlier this week, I worked 8 hours on my day off.
I submit to you that this was PROBLEM #1.
A day off is a day when most people rest, relax, and enjoy their family. I did work out in the morning; that was for me. But; overall, NOPE. I worked with a coaching client; I negotiated a new contract for my business; I fixed my calendar and updated my work schedule; I paid bills for the business; and I sent texts and emails to staff who were actually working that day in order to help them through a few daily hassles.
Oh, but that’s not all… I cooked dinner.
Now, I need to explain why this is such a big deal. I have been married twice. The neglected, embattled first husband suffered greatly. Prior to our wedding, my mother took him out to lunch. Her message was, “She doesn’t cook. She doesn’t clean. You know this now. You can’t give her back.”
Fast Forward, several years, ex-hubby’s favorite joke is, “I unplugged the stove two years ago, and she doesn’t even know it yet.”
I DON’T COOK!!!! COOKING THIS DAY WAS AN ACT OF SACRIFICE.
Since I’ve started trying to lose weight, I’ve been cooking more. Eating out makes you fat. However; I work a lot, so I cook 2-3 meals on Sunday or Monday, and the family eats lunch and dinner leftovers until Wednesday or Thursday. Friday and Saturday, it’s EVERYONE FOR THEMSELVES.
So, this was a normal Monday. I worked when it was supposed to be a day off, and I cooked dinner. I made Tilapia and 16 miniature Crab Cakes (this will be important in just a minute). I drafted the 17-year-old to make spinach and the 15-year-old to clean the kitchen.
When Husband got home (the new hubby), I begged him to cook the steaks he had been marinating for two days, because I didn’t want to cook another meal. I had worked an 8-hour day on my day off, and I was tired.
But here is PROBLEM #2. When the food was done, I did not eat. I kept working.
There’s always so much to do, so I don’t know exactly which plates were spinning at 6pm, but I did not get up and eat dinner until almost 8pm. So, by the time I made my way into the kitchen, there were no more crab cakes. SAY WHAT???
There are 4 people in my house. There were 16 miniature crab cakes. Each person could have happily had 4 miniature crab cakes. I planned to have two for dinner and two in my lunch the next day. However, there was ZERO left by the time I made my way into the kitchen.
YES, this is PROBLEM #3! But honestly, PROBLEM #3 is a small problem. Husbands and teenagers (on summer break) ALWAYS eat all the food. ALWAYS. Ask any mom. They eat the food. But in my evenly divided, fair minded, imagination, before my family would eat ALL the crab cakes, there would be a chorus of loving angels asking, “Dearest Wife and Mother, hast thou eaten yet?????” But that is my imagination. Life is not fair. I should not expect it to be. It is my job to:
- Rest on my day off.
- Communicate what I plan to eat.
- Put my name on the food that I want (I have learned to write Ebola or SARS on my leftover Styrofoam when we go out to eat).
- Go eat dinner at a reasonable time.
In other words, I have to take care of myself. I have to take care of myself not because I am neglected and unloved, but because I am a grown up. And reasonable, grownups don’t yell Bloody Murder at their family because they eat the crab cakes. Reasonable grownups practice self-care and good communication. Sure, my family could be more thoughtful. There’s a work that we all need to do. But healthy people don’t work on their day off; they REST so that they are able to communicate and eat their dinner easily and without drama.
Thank you, Wonder Woman. I get it. It’s not fair. Fair is the WRONG FOCUS. It’s my responsibility to be healthy!!! In order to do this better….
I must train. I must practice.